I was never the girl who knew what she
wanted and expected nothing less. The
one who walked with a confident air,
flipping her long silken hair over
her shoulder, flashing a smile the brightness
of a dentist’s fantasy.
I was never the girl who could speak with
ease about Nietzsche or China’s economy
or debate the social relevance of some
obscure ‘80’s Punk band. The one who only
wore white after Memorial Day, had the perfect
manicure and never a stray brow out of place.
I was the girl who loved the sparkle
of the stars in an inky night sky, beaconing
Morse code from the heart of the universe,
but I could never remember their names or
the constellations they lived in.
I was the girl who loved The Blues, the
earnest, heart-aching want that reached out
of the radio grabbing me by the throat
where the beat of my pulse thumped like a
wild thing in harmony with those who wrote
such tormented words with the blood of their loss.
I was the girl who loved the written word that
took me to places I could only imagine ,
exotic cultures and lush landscapes
were the companions of my daydreamy world.
I was the girl who walked barefoot through the
woods with the red dust of Mississippi between
her toes and long silent days to contemplate How
Things Are and How Things Might Be.
I am the woman who changed How Things Were
and became who I wanted to be.
______________________________________________
Shared on We Write Poems.
Charlotte Hamrick 
Lovely blog, ZouxZoux, or may I call you Charlotte? I love the name Charlotte. Were you in NOLA during Katrina? It probably says so on your blog, but I haven’t seen it yet. I read a book that was really good, about a murder-suicide that happened after that. It’s called Take the Devil Off by Ethan Brown.
Are you familiar with what happened or with the book?
Julie
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Love that last line! Beautiful.
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Julie,
Thank you and yes you may call me Charlotte. I was living in New Orleans during Katrina – although I (primarily) grew up in MS I’ve lived in NoLA for 33 years now. I started my original blog (travelingmermaid.com) a few months after the storm when I found myself unemployed (my company didn’t come back after Katrina) and needing an outlet for my feelings and for getting away from my daily life at the time. Anyone who’s lived through and after a disaster can attest to how difficult life is without basic city services or government assistance (except for FEMA). Those who are against government regulation should have to live for a week in such circumstances. But that’s another story…..
I have not read Shake the Devil Off but am familiar with the author, Ethan Brown, and well remember when the murder/suicide occurred. The city was rocked by that horrible event on top of everything else that was happening at the time. I’ve only read 2 Katrina-related books as I haven’t had the heart to read much written about that time. I do rec those books: Heart Like Water by Josh Clark (http://www.frenchquarterfiction.com/HeartLikeWater.html) and A Howling in the Wires which is an anthology of blog posts by local bloggers during that time (http://toulousestreet.wordpress.com/2010/08/09/a-howling-in-the-wires/), many of whom I know personally. Ethan Brown is one of the reviewers of the book.
The only references to the storm on this blog are in three of my poems, “Disparity” , “Blown Away” and “August and April”.
Thanks for your comments and, again, I really like your blog. It looks like we have a lot in common!
Mareymercy, thanks for commenting and visiting!
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Damn Charlotte, damn good stuff. I never knew you were that woman. Your soul is showing.
Regards,
Don
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As was yours in that last poem I read, Donald. Goopd stuff!
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Really great poem. Deep in my heart I know that I am the same way: drifting and daydreaming. You totally inspired me. Thank you.
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That’s so nice of you to say, R. Your website is inspiring to me. I love hearing your voice speaking your words – it really adds a whole other dimension to poetry.
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Your poem is an honest and beautiful appraisal which makes me realise how much we change as we age, but also how much stays the same.
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It’s so true. We might change a bit here and there over the years but I think our basic nature stays intact for life. Thanks for your comment.
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Wonderful! I am enthralled.
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Thank you! I love the word “enthralled”.
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zouxzoux, I love this honest and comfortable look at yourself. As we age we find our place. Love this.
Pamela
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Love it! The most beautiful sketches are the honest ones of ourselves.
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Thanks Pamela and Joseph. I’m so happy to hear your comments and see you here again. I always did value y’all’s opinions. xo
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I love how you use both “I was never” and “I was” – how we can illuminate who we are and who we are not, how we Might Be and how we Want to Be. A lovely read – thank you.
Richard
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