Women Online: Great Reads You Shouldn’t Miss

I LOVE this tweet by Kelli Agodon, writer and co-founder of Two Sylvias Press who has a great twitter feed. Just had to share. Anyone who writes poetry has had a version of this wonderment in their head at one time or another. But, thing is, if you’re born to write poetry your really don’t have a choice. I wrote when I was very young then didn’t for years and years, only coming back to it in my mid-30’s but it was always in my head. Fragments, bits and pieces, phrases….it was always in there because it’s just how I … Continue reading Women Online: Great Reads You Shouldn’t Miss

For Joy

I never expected to make the journey that pulls you toward helplessness and illness and demands you step up. The journey that structures your life around spoon feedings during Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and whatever else crawls across the tv while you’re coaxing your loved one to eat. It was a journey of patience and perseverance, of constant advocacy for excellence of care, of schedules and massages, hair brushing and body-turning. It was a journey of acceptance for the inevitable but without a thought of giving up. It was a journey I was honored to travel, one in which I … Continue reading For Joy

Dirt Mamma

This weekend I found a letter from my aunt that she wrote me in 2003. I have no memory of it so it was like reading it for the first time. At the time she was in Hot Springs, Arkansas with her husband, my mom and dad, and my other aunt on vacation. The three women are (were) sisters. In it she described a little about the hotel, their stay and various activities. She described an incident in a hot tub where my mom became nauseous. It was surreal, reading this as if it just happened, with my mom being dead for … Continue reading Dirt Mamma

It’s the Waiting That Kills You

Sometimes you talk, sometimes you don’t, sometimes you want to but can’t. You watch the numbers on all the machines that are supporting her life, you note them and compare them to the numbers from the day before, the week before and the month before. You wash her face, lubricate her lips and wait for the few precious seconds she opens her eyes and wonder if it’s just a reflex or a reaction to your voice. You lotion up her hands and feet then rotate them and stretch out her fingers. You leave the room after the 30 minute visiting … Continue reading It’s the Waiting That Kills You

The Waiting Room

Twilight from closed curtains is soothing for sleep deprived eyes. Quiet whispers, families contemplate ventilators, sedated loved ones and impending doctor visits. Sweet cleaning lady empties the trash cans of crumpled coffee cups and “breakfast on the go” bags, swabs the wet floor of steamy bathrooms recently cleansing the tired bodies and flagging spirits of the ones who live in the waiting room. It’s 11:00, time for the second visit of the day and the ritual walk down the long hall to the SICU. Continue reading The Waiting Room

Baby Steps

We placed the brick pavers one by one, red the color of old blood, in between discussions of surgical drainage, catscans and ventilators. Six one day, four the next, none for a week when the fever rose and the blood pressure dropped and the white blood count was more than twice the normal value. I watch as the path grows and think a lot about the color of the pavers like the color of her heart, the toughness of the brick like the toughness of her character and the slow progression that mimics her daily life in ICU. The garden … Continue reading Baby Steps